The News Scares Me

Oct 11

Don’t Poo on My School

Thankfully Kenneth Martin Sarsony will no longer be pooping on the steps of a Florida school. He not only pooped, but once left a thong after doing his doody. Is it that hard to find a proper bathroom in Florida?

Here’s the link.

Oct 10

Miming Traffic

In Caracas, Venezuela, a local mayor has turned to mimes to help direct traffic and ensure everyone follows the traffic laws. At least they’ve updated their color scheme from black to fluorescent yellow and orange.

Here’s the link.

[Photo Credit: Fox News Latino]

Oct 09

Steal to Feed Your Porn Addiction

Amanda Rose Owens, 18, has admitted to breaking into a home repeatedly looking for items to pawn. With that money, she intended to pay off her porn debt. Amanda cares about her credit score.

Here’s the link.

[Photo Credit: True Manhood]

Oct 07

Dwarves Should Be Tossed?

Florida legislator Ritch Workman (yes, that’s how his name is spelled) feels that dwarves earning potential is being compromised by a no dwarf tossing ban. Thus, he’s entered legislation that helps dwarves have a more productive life getting thrown around bars and perhaps parks. Jobs are good, but dwarf tossing is bad. The question is why does Ritch Workman want to toss little people.

Here’s the link.

[Photo Credit: Sodahead]

Say Yes to Jesus Ween

For all of you fearing the unholiness of Halloween, when the devil’s children gather and ask for candy, you have something new to celebrate. It is Jesus Ween. While this sound a bit dirty, it’s really about the winning power of Jesus. I’m not sure that can deter me from the winning power of candy and costumes, though.

Here’s the link.

[Photo Credit: Joe My God]

Oct 06

Replace Your Thumb with Your Toe

A poor worker in China lost his thumb, so naturally his doctor decided to replace it with one of the worker’s toes. I would hate to have to explain my weird thumb-toe to people or for people to see it. It would probably be easier to not have a thumb.

Here’s the link.

[Photo Credit: Flickr]

Oct 05

Lawyers are Dirty

For some, this might not be a surprise, but a new study, by a highly unscientific company, shows that lawyers have the dirtiest desks. Yes, lawyers are dirty and really need to clean up their act.

Here’s the link.

[Photo Credit: MacRumors]

Oct 04

When You Drive, Don’t Multitask

Police caught a Hampshire, England driver using his laptop, drinking coffee, writing down quiz answers, and then finally driving. Please may I never encounter that man on the road, which is highly unlikely since he lives in Hampshire. Thank you ocean.

Here’s the link.

[Photo Credit: Multitasking Media

Oct 03

Cringe-Inducing Sex Offender Stay Away

Yep, Michael Campbell is a sex offender circa 1995. While he’s been clean sex offender-wise, he’s committed other crimes like going near a playground. I say that the tats don’t make him too cute and cuddly. The Frankenstein tattoo really put him over the edge.

Here’s the link.

[Photo Credit: Gawker]

TOTO Makes a Poo-Powered Bike

TOTO’s Toilet Bike Neo let’s you take a poo on the go. It converts your refuse into biodiesel. I don’t really like to hang out on the pot and would find it strange to ride around on one. 

Here’s the link.

[Photo Credit: Spoon-Tamago]